A Tale of Two Mothers: Debbie + Victoria

By Rachel Humphreys

Debbie, a kind and gentle soul, has been mentoring students for the past decade. She heard about the opportunity through one of Affinity’s partners, Mars Hill Bible Church. “I liked the one-on-one program where you invest in long-term relationships, build trust, and watch them grow.”

Debbie recalls the first few weeks of mentoring, “I was nervous about helping with school stuff and getting more immediate results. Then I realized it’s more of an investment of one hour at a time, it’s building the relationship and the foundation a bit more each visit.”

Victoria, a compassionate and loving person, has four daughters, including Stephanie and Emelinda who have both been part of the mentoring program. She remembers first hearing about the program when Emelinda came home from Kindergarten saying, “Mami, quiero un mentor.” She helped her sign up, however, Victoria never realized what this relationship would blossom into or how their two families would intertwine. 

Emelinda was soon matched with Debbie. Victoria describes Debbie as someone with a huge heart that loves working with kids. She recalls Debbie always being at every event. After a bit of time together, she saw her shy and quiet daughter come out of her shell and become more confident. Emelinda started to play more, talk more, paint, and improve her English.

“[They’re] my surrogate family,” smiles Debbie. “Her mom and I have the same birthday and we always text each other. They are a really nice family that supports each other. I’m glad I can be a part of it and that they trust me.” Victoria agrees, “God put her in our path, she is part of our family and my daughters are really happy with her. Every time our birthday comes around we ask each other – so where are we going to celebrate?”

“Debbie gives good advice, like another mother, to my daughters, but also to me. She tells me I’m doing a good job, to be patient, and not to worry because I’m a good mom. No one has ever told me that before, not even my own mother. I don’t know whether she is like another mother to my daughters, or to me,” explains Victoria.

After Emelinda and Debbie had been a match for 6 years, it was coming to a close. Emelinda was entering middle school and yearning to spend more time with friends. Debbie and Victoria both felt the change and comforted each other as they saw her pull away, not wanting to talk, and becoming more distant. Debbie wasn’t sure what to do. However, after talking to Affinity staff member, Laura Ward, she helped her understand that she was no longer in need of a mentor and that was OK. Being a mom herself, it finally clicked and she understood not to take it personally, “I thought to myself, ‘I know that age.’”

Victoria remembers, “When [Emelinda] was done with the program I was worried about losing the relationship with Debbie. No one was going to be there helping me, telling me I’m doing a good job. We both cried. I knew, she too, was sad in her heart. We started texting each other. She helped me understand girls go through their changes differently. She kept telling me to be strong, and she would help me. I would repeat it to myself over and over.”

Debbie sees the role of a mentor as an encourager. “I always tell Emelinda ‘You’re so smart, creative, generous, and amazing.’ Later I would hear her repeat it, ‘You know, I am pretty smart and creative.’” Victoria started to feel more confident too, “Now there were two people [Debbie] and I sending Emelinda messages and reinforcing the same thing.”

One day, there was a big surprise for Victoria, “I got her off the bus and she was happy, smiling and said ‘¡Hola Mami!’ and grabbed my hand. Later that evening I sat between my four girls asking them about school.” Emelinda went last, “‘¿Mami, tienes la oportunidad de hablar?’ It was a huge surprise, we talked for over an hour. She recalled Debbie’s talks about how middle school is so different and Emelinda was surprised that everything she said would happen, did.” Afterward they both hugged and finally, turned a corner in their mother-daughter relationship. The first thing Victoria wanted to do was to let Debbie know that she’s going to be OK.

As fate would have it, Emelinda’s younger sister, Stephanie, had been in the mentoring program too. However, due to life circumstances her mentor, Marla, had to leave after a year and Stephanie was devastated. However, Affinity’s Burton site coordinator, Rocio Moreno, recognized this as a great opportunity to bring the two families together again. She reached out to Debbie and Victoria both to see how they felt about matching Debbie with Stephanie – they both wholeheartedly said yes. 

Growing up, Stephanie had known Debbie and attended events with her older sister and Debbie. When Stephanie learned that Debbie would now be HER mentor, she  started jumping around and was so happy. Victoria says, “Now I don’t have to worry about when they are together. I trust her. She is a huge help to my daughters and they have so much fun together.” 

Victoria is a big advocate for mentoring and has already been referring other parents to the program, “Mentors help with the things you can’t teach as a mom or dad. They can play soccer, do different activities, if your kid likes something that you don’t the mentor can do it with them. It’s a whole new experience – for the whole family.”



Ready to start your own journey? Become a Mentor or Sponsor a Mentor Match




*Editor’s Note* As most Affinity’s blog articles are captured, I had the opportunity to sit down one-on-one with Debbie and Victoria to hear their story. Victoria’s interview was in Spanish and Debbie’s in English. Neither one speaks the other language. One of the most remarkable things about their relationships is that despite their language barrier, they have developed this deep, lifelong bond. Our team is honored to have the opportunity to play a role in these two families’ journeys and support where we can in cultivating meaningful relationships and experiences.

Support 115 New Matches, Match4Match



“It’s finally happening! My dream!” ANTHONY, a fourth grader, had been anxiously waiting for a mentor for two years. Now that he found his match, he is excited to practice his English one-on-one without fear of embarrassment or failure.



With your help, we found Anthony’s match, as well as one for 114 other students like:

TREZURE, an active and social 1st grader, who loves dancing, volleyball and softball was matched with Rachel, a certified personal trainer. Together they love to play outside, building Lego towers, and reading books at our newest site, Godfrey-Lee Early Childhood Center.

KOMANI, a kind and playful 2nd grader, had been on the waitlist for two years at Burton Elementary. He loves basketball and was looking for a strong male role model. After an extensive search, we matched him with a former mentor and father of four, Eric. Together they play sports, games, and are goal setting!

We said “yes” to these kids but matching them with a mentor is just the beginning. We need your help to ensure students like Anthony, Trezure, and Komani receive ongoing match support that enables them to navigate the larger systems and effectively advocate for them and their families. You have the power to help unlock their potential, match4match.

Will you join us?

DONATE NOW


Arturo + Alexa’s Story

Meet Alexa and Arturo. Alexa is the Public Policy Coordinator at the Grand Rapids Chamber of Commerce and Arturo is a first grader at Burton Elementary.

When he grows up, Arturo wants to be a police officer [because he likes to run and knows how to sneak]. He’s a quiet and cheerful kid that loves to tell pretend stories and read books, like Pete the Cat. “I wanted a mentor. It would be funner, instead of being on my phone at home,” says Arturo.

Alexa joined Affinity last fall after hearing about it through her work with the Education Workforce Development Committee. “I’ve never done a formal mentoring program like Affinity. It’s been a really good experience.”

Once a week Alexa takes a break from her work at the Chamber to hang out with Arturo. “It’s one of my favorite parts of the week. It’s nice to be in the schools on a weekly basis and also hang out with my first grade friend,” smiles Alexa.

“The staff does an excellent job at matching. We’ve laughed from the get-go and we have a lot in common. We are both more quiet, like to read, and like to play games,” explains Alexa. Smiling, Arturo nods and agrees that they are a good match because they both like to “read books and do crafts.”

Arturo is a very shy and quiet kid, during their sessions Alexa is helping him become more confident and comfortable around adults that he’s not used to. Although, he didn’t say a lot during the interview he made good eye contact and smiled a lot [a big improvement since the beginning of the year!] It was easy to see how comfortable Arturo was with Alexa as he looked to her for answers and she would help him and encourage him.

Together they recently attended Affinity’s Family Game Night at Burton where they played Guess Who and ping-pong. Arturo’s mom really appreciates the support Alexa provides and has been so happy about the changes she’s seen in Arturo. As a token of her appreciation she gave Alexa a pair of earrings [which she was wearing during the interview].

Alexa’s favorite memory so far? “Getting him from class. I usually get a really big smile from his face and all the kids say, ‘Arturo your mentor is here!’”

As far as making the weekly time commitment, Alexa says “I worked it out with my schedule, Fridays are good. Other days I’m in Lansing. My bosses understand there’s value in what I’m doing. It made sense for me. They are very understanding.” She loves it so much that she already recruited one of her co-workers to mentor and is working on more.

What does Arturo tell his friends? “Get a mentor.”

If you or someone you know would like to become a mentor Apply Here. If you can’t make the weekly time commitment, but would like to support a mentor match, Donate Here.

Affinity’s Match4Match Fund

 

Join Affinity Mentoring as we work to support our new cohort of 65 mentor matches, Match4Match!

Each year we have over 100 students on our waiting lists, anxious to see if this is the year they’ll get a mentor. With support from our community partners, volunteers, and generous donors we were able to recruit, screen, train, and match 65 mentors with a student!

We matched students like:
Kimberly, a friendly 4th grader, always has a beautiful smile on her face. She likes to play outside on the monkey bars. Her favorite subjects are Science and Math. When we asked her what she thought of her new mentor she responded with a big smile, “Emily is good, she is special to me.”

Angel is a quiet 3rd grader. His new mentor, Luis, has been helping him to become more talkative. Luis likes to ask Angel questions to engage him in conversation and boost his confidence.

Making the match was only the beginning…

Now, it is our goal to raise $10,000 by December 31st to ensure each of these new matches receive the ongoing match support (supplies, training, family engagement, books, etc.) needed to have a successful year!

 

Will you join us?

Any size donation helps support our students. If we can all give a little of our time, talent, and treasure, together we can make a big impact!

 

Checks

Please make checks payable to: Affinity Mentoring

Affinity Mentoring
3501 Fairlanes Ave SW
Grandville, MI 49418